Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Hazies - The Champs & Chumps

Hey Peeps and anyone else checking in. A special "Hey" goes out to Hazel Mae.

For those of you who haven't been here before, The Hazies take a look back at the week or so that was in the world of sports, highlighting some of the more notable performances - to those who have risen above the rest, we award them with an honourary "Hazie" - the lucky few have the title of "Hazel's Hero" bestowed upon them. While Hazel hasn't officially approved this week's winners, we'd like to think she'd give her trademark smile and thumbs up to our selections.

HAZEL'S HEROES - THE CHAMPS

MLB

Hazel's favourite ball player Cal Ripken Jr. was invited to Cooperstown to join the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. Ripken who is best known for his consecutive game streak (2,632) also compiled some pretty impressive numbers with the bat - 3,184 hits, 431 HR, 1,695 RBI, and made 19 all-star appearances. Ripken received the most votes ever given to a Hall of Famer (537) and had the third highest vote percentage ever, 98.53% (behind Tom Seaver and Nolan Ryan). Ripken was humble as always in accepting the nomination, and showed how much class he has when he refused to comment on the fact that Mark McGwire didn't make the cut. We know, absolutely without a doubt, that Hazel would be down with this one.

Tony Gwynn (aka the voice of Bugs Bunny) was also voted into the Hall today. Gwynn, one of the game's great pure hitters, finished his career with 3,141 hits, a .338 BA and 1,138 RBI. Gwynn's 532 votes was second all-time to the aforementioned Ripken, and his vote percentage of 97.6 was sixth all-time. Gwynn was on record as saying he's glad he wasn't a uninamous choice - I don't get it...but its his day.


NFL
New England Patriots' QB Tom Brady proved once again why he is a champ, leading the Patriots to a 37-16 victory over the Jets on Sunday. Brady was his usual playoff self completing 22 of 34 passes for 212 yards, with 2 TD passes for good measure. The guy is money in the playoffs - he's going to lead the Patriots to a win this Sunday against the Chargers...count on it.

Brady is it for the week - the rest of the weekend games sucked, and I'm not feeling the love for anyone who won.


NHL

Vancouver Canucks G Roberto Luongo was named the NHL's First Star of the Week. Luongo led the Canucks to four wins, posting a GAA of 1.92 and a save percentage of .940. Luongo is making Canucks GM Dave Nonis look like the second coming of Brian Burke.

Ottawa SenaTards LW Dany (where's the other "N"?) Heatley was named the Second Star of the Week - blah blah blah.

San Jose Sharks C Joe Thornton was named the Third Star of the Week. Thornton had seven assists in leading the Sharks to a 2-0 record on the week.

Can someone please explain to me how Toronto's Alex Steen didn't get a Star? Was it because he slapped the Bruins around? Someone explain this one to me.

I'm going to name one more champ this week. New England readers will remember former Bruins D Gary Galley - what you may not know is that Galley now co-hosts an afternoon show on Ottawa's sports radio station The Team, as well as being the colour analyst on Rogers Sportsnet's SenaTards games. Galley is without a doubt the best colour analyst in all of hockey; having had a good NHL career it is a given that he knows his hockey, but over and above that, he is insight and objective when talking hockey. In a city where the media is constantly blowing smoke up the asses of the Tards, Galley calls it pretty straight. The guy is going to be national in the near future (like our friend Hazel) and he deserves some recognition. Hazel should really do a feature on Galley on a future episode of The Buzz - Galley deserves it, and I think Bruins' fans would be interested in what he had done since his NHL career ended.

HAZEL'S ZEROES - THE CHUMPS
Allow me to intoduce you to Stuart Schwarz. Who is Stuart Schwarz you ask? Well, Stu is a co-host on the Team 1200's morning show "Three Guys on the Radio", as well as being the PA for the SenaTards at Scotiabank. I don't expect anyone outside of Ottawa to know about Stu - but after reading this, you might get a laugh or two.

Stu's biggest accomplishment was getting married - something he reminds you about at least once an hour when he finds a way to inject "My wife says, or my wife did, or my wife and I" into anything he happens to be talking about. Stu is without a doubt one of the least informed sports radio personalities in the business - Jillian Barberie would give Stu a run for his money. But that's not what makes Stu a chump - no, today's tidbit is what makes Stu THE CHUMP.

His co-hosts told a story about how, after Monday's show, they were to do some promos for Tuesday's show. Stu told them to hold on for a second while he made a call. It seems that our boy Stu had to call a local hair salon to make an appointment for his wife to have her hair done. Stu didn't just call the salon, but was conscientious enough to inquire about the availability of a number of stylists at the salon. Judging by Stu's lid, you can bet he doesn't spend anytime in the salon's chair - he probably waits while his lovely wife has her hair done.

Stu, for being named the Chump of the Week - Boston Bruins' G Tim Thomas, Kansas City Chiefs' coach Herm Edwards, Dallas Cowboys' QB Tony Romo and Dallas Stars forward Patrick Stefan want to pass on their heartfelt thanks to you. Stu, you rock harder that Jim Lang!

Hazel likely doesn't have a clue about who Stu is (even though he was a fellow Rogers employee - Stu is a Rogers' cable personality too) - but I have to think she'd be ok with this pick, given that Thomas and Edwards were let off the hook.

Congrats to John T. from Calgary who correctly interpreted this morning's subject line - on the Buckeyes "F" and what letter in their nickname the "F" should replace. John, you get a Hazel Mae pic in the mail.

That's about it for tonight gang - have a great one peeps! Renee should be back in the next couple of days to wade in on this week's NFL games, and the current plight of the Bruins.

Hazel, I hope things are groovy in your world.

Song of the Night on Hazelspeeps - for our boy Stu, he probably likes this song as he used to work at a crappy rock station up here

She's The Boss - Mick Jagger

Stay home my child, stay home with me
Stay home my child, stay home with me
Oh please!

When I first met you, you looked so soft
So feminine, you looked so lost
What a fool I was

You called me manly, so masterful
You called me manly, so powerful
Was I ever gullible

She's the boss! She's the boss!
So I stay home, I stay home, stay home, stay home
It's all over, the party's over!
It's all over, I'll just shut my mouth

Now don't be cruel! Say you don't mean it
Now don't be cruel! Say you don't mean it
You the boss! Are you the boss?
She's the boss!
She's the boss in the office, she's the boss in the kitchen,
She's the boss in bed, she's the boss in my head
She's the boss! Okay!
You're the boss! Okay!
You're the boss! Okay! Okay! Okay!
I do what you say! Okay!

Now she's the governor, she's number one
From where I'm standing, I'm just a bum

Stay home, I stay home, stay home, stay home
It's all over, the party's over!
It's all over, the party's over!
The party's over!

Okay, I'll do what you say baby, it's okay
You want breakfast in bed? You got breakfast in bed
You want me to hold all calls? I'll hold all calls
You want me to fix your hair? I'll fix your hair
You want me to fix you dinner? I'll fix you dinner
You want me to stay up late? I'll stay up late
No problem, no problem

She's the boss! She's the boss!

It's all over, the party's over!
I'll keep my big mouth shut
Yes, she's the boss, she's the boss!
She's got the pants on, now she's the boss!
I stay home. What'd I say?
You want to what? Not right now baby
I've got a headache
You want it right now baby?
Well, I've got to wash my hair Okay, okay! I'll do what you say,
okay, okay, okay!

You're the boss, you're the boss
You've got the pants on, now you're the boss!
You've got the pants on, now you're the boss!
Okay, okay, okay! You're the boss
Watch out! Watch out! Watch your step
Now watch your step boy, she's the boss!
Watch your step boy, she's the boss!

Peesth Out...Buh Bye!

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