Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Pistacios, Pecans and Port

Before I start, a special "Hey" goes out to Hazel Mae. Hey peeps and anyone else checking in. If you have been here before, you know what Wednesdays are about here...if this is your first time here, Wednesday entries highlight the weird, the whacked and the downright silly in the world of sports over the last seven days. Stories are meant to illicit chuckles and should not be interpreted as being compiled by, reviewed by, or endorsed/approved by Hazel Mae - though I'd like to think she might get a laugh or two.

The title would qualify for a Wednesday entry you say...well, maybe - the nuts are for protein (my damn run tonight hurt like a mofo) and the Port is my treat for the run. On to this week's entry.


You have undoubtedly heard about the stir caused by SenTards goalie Ray Emery's mask - and his hommage to Mike Tyson. While most of the stories today focused on whether or not Muckler and the Tards brass told him to hang up the story in the Ottawa Sun hit the nail on the head. The mask controversy is just another one in a series of incidents that has the Tards wondering about Emery.
  • The first was a story in the paper about Emery spending $500 bucks he won on a bet from Daniel "Krusty the Clown" Alfredsson on a tattoo that spanned the length of his arm.

  • The second involved Emery showing up with his hair dyed platinum blonde and then changing it back the next day (supposedly after a chat with Muckler).

  • Now the mask.
Emery has had a reputation of being a loose cannon - notorious for fighting during his time with 'Tards farm team. He is definitely a free spirit (albeit with a bit of a chip on his shoulder), but paying hommage to a guy like Tyson...calling him your idol raises some concerns about the guy's head and what he seems himself as. It's one thing to play play on the edge (Billy Smith of the Islanders made a career out of it) - but Emery poses a compelling and scary case study.
His idol is a man who has been convicted of rape, who has reportedly beaten his wife, and who once bit part of a man's ear off - strange choice of idols.

Emery...the goalie of the future? I doubt it - if his head doesn't do him in...the interference coming from Ottawa's management will surely kill this guy's fire. There is too much of a cultural and philosophical difference between a young urban kid like Emery and a "mature", old-school, stuffed shirt like Muckler.

The 'Tards start looking for a goalie this summer...Emery won't last in Ottawa - he doesn't fit the profile and he isn't boring enough. This one gets filed under "Whacked" - if Emery threatens to eat your out!

Hailey Wickenheiser, Canada's best female hockey player, was in a bit of a pickle earlier this week. Wickenheiser did a commercial for Hamburger Helper - she is being interviewed by former Canadian figure skating champ Josee Chouinard, about the challenges of playing hockey and taking care of a family. Wickenheiser does her bit for Hamburger Helper - simple right? Not quite...some "disturber" raised a stink about Wickenheiser's Hamburger Helper family - it wasn't her real family. This made news up here in Canada - why? Well, it's hockey related...sorta. This one gets filed under "silly" - why is this an issue? would you buy more Hamburger Helper if her family was on the commercial?


Sean Taylor of the Redskins has had two additional assault charges filed against him for an allegedly three people in an armed confrontation over an ATV; the additional charges mean he's facing 46 years in prison. Yes, over a freakin' ATV - who says athletes are spoiled? Ok...who other than the girls on "On the DL"? Put Sean's case under the category of "Whacked".
Kellen Winslow Jr. must be looking in on this and saying "My stupidity may have cost me my career - but dayum, it won't cost me 46 years in the big house." Speaking of guns...

Chris Henry of the Bengals was arrested and charged with felony counts of possession of a concealed weapon, improper exhibition of a firearm, and aggravated assault with a firearm. Surprise surprise...Henry got himself into some trouble with some revellers. Even more surprising, shocking actually - the 9mm Luger Henry was brandishing was reported as stolen. If that isn't enough - Henry is still has charges pending for possession of marijuana. This guy makes Randy Moss look like an alter boy! Yes, Kellen Jr. - you just made a silly mistake...these two are bad asses. Kellen Jr. says "Look Ma - No guns!" This one can only be classified as "Whacked".

Joey Porter of the Steelers went off on Seattle's Jerramy Stevens - after Stevens "near-guaranteed a victory" on Sunday. First off...CBS - what in the hell is a near guarantee? Did you guys make that up yourselves or did that come from Joey Porter? If you haven't heard, Stevens made a crack about Jerome Bettis' homecoming not being a happy one when he walks away without the trophy. Stevens goes on to say that Bettis won't have an easy time this week against Seattle.

Joey Porter of the Steelers had a completely different take on this one. Porter feels he and his teammates have been disrespected - by Stevens, a bust in Porter's eyes. Porter freaked out talking about getting his first taste of blood and blah blah. I don't know what Porter heard or read - but Stevens didn't say anything that bad. What was Stevens supposed to say?

If Porter needs this to motivate him...or for an excuse to be an ass - well, you can almost guess what kind of impact he will have Sunday, none. File this one under "silly"...Go Seahawks.

Donovan McNabb brought Terrell Owens back front and center - saying that T.O.'s crticism of him this year amounted to a "black on black crime". I won't delve into McNabb's perception of the events or his feelings on what happened - but he summed it up by saying - and I'm NOT KIDDING.

"It's different to say 'If was Michael Vick, or Daunte Culpepper, or Steve McNair or Byron Leftwich, ... But to say Brett Favre, that kind of just slapped me in the face like, 'Wow'. "

HUH? Its ok for Owens to wish for another black quarterback...but not a white one? If you have been here before, you know my thoughts on T.O - but McNabb is out to a Chunky soup lunch with his mom on this one. To mention any of those four guys in the same breath as Favre is crazy (McNair - MAYBE..for his toughness and guts, and being a winner) but the other three? Jeezus McNabb...I'm sure the Eagles PR people are over at Donovan's place with speaking points to get him out of this. 10 - 1 he says he was quoted out of context. File this one under "weird" - cuz it doesn't make any sense...on any level.

I don't know is this one falls under the category of weird, whacked or just downright silly. Mike Tice (aka here as Captain Stubbing) is set to join the Jacksonville Jaguars and his former teammate Jack Del Rio. The Score reported that Tice would be the assistant head coach - this promises to be good. I can't wait til Tice says the Jags are better off without one of their best players. Randy Moss must be laughing.

The Texas A&M Aggies sought a restraining order to keep the Seattle Seahawks from promoting their "12th Man" campaign. The Aggies claim they created the moniker over 80 years ago - and they own the rights to use it. Where do we start with this one? Nowhere - it's just plain silly. This stinks like that stupid tomahawk chop crap between the Seminoles and the Braves a few years back. What's next? Who is going to seek a restraining order over teams and fans doing the stupid wave? You know that one is coming...

That's about it for tonight...maybe a Part II tomorrow with some NBA news - Isiah Rider is in a mess...some more hockey news out of the 'Tards camp (spin doctoring through the Sun) etc. Hope you come back.

Have a great one too Renee, if you are checking in.

Hazel, I hope things are groovy in your world - have a great weekend.

Song of the Night on Hazelpeeps - for tonights nominees...especially Ray Emery (and his idol Mike Tyson), for those crazy NFLers Joey Porter, Donovan McNabb, Chris Henry and Sean Taylor...

Far Side of Crazy - Wall of Voodoo (I'm guessing you probably haven't heard it before...go find it, it is worth the download - have I ever steered you wrong on these picks?)

Peesth Out!


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