Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Brothers from another mother

Hey Peeps and anyone else checking in. A special "Hey" goes out to Hazel Mae if she is checking in.

On any other day, the Toronto Maple Leafs win over the Carolina Hurricanes would be the lead item - but in case you haven't heard, everyone and their brother in Canada has written off the season.

So instead, an open letter to Canada's favourite sports journalist, Mr. Damien Cox of the Toronto Star, seems like the right thing to do.


Another great blog article today big guy. Man, you really hit the nail on the head with why the Maple Leafs can't move forward - who would have thought it was because they can't resist moving back? Leave it to you to spell it out for us dummies in Leaf Nation - we all feel so dumb now, why couldn't we see this?

It was great to see you so eloquently state how hiring Cliff Fletcher, even on an interim basis, is case in point in why this organization has been an abject failure since their last Cup win in 1967 (if you throw out a large part of the nineties when they were among the league's best teams, even into the early part of the millennium). You did a masterful job of pointing out how Cliff Fletcher came in and tore this team apart - leaving them as a 68 point team.

Don't worry champ - I won't remind your loyal readers that Cliff Fletcher mortgaged the future of the franchise for what Leaf Nation called for - taking your best shot to win a Stanley Cup, as opposed to being perennial playoff participants with no shot of winning. Don't worry Damien, we live in a society where people have trouble remembering what they had for lunch, never mind what someone said two days ago. You remember? You've been on this management all year about not moving players, not demoting players, not firing those responsible for the mess - so I can see where Cliff Fletcher would be a horrible choice. The guy has a reputation for making impact trades, identifying weak links and finding some team to take them.

That's why I like you Damien - you just tell it like it is. That's why I stopped listening to sports radio and made The Star my information source for all things sports - especially my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. Years back, I wasted a few months listening to that idiot Jim Rome - you may have heard of him (but I'm sure you wouldn't admit it).

But when I found you Damien - I saw the light. I turned off my radio and started reading The Star. Damien, you are a shining example of journalistic integrity in sports reporting - you are old school journalism...not like that jackass Jim Rome.

See Damien (because I'm sure you have never heard of the man who once referred to himself as "The Pimp in the Box") Jim's Shtick is that he talks down to his listeners - you know, he insults their intelligence by passing off common knowledge as words of wisdom that he came up with. Jim will go on and on and on about something as obvious as "the sky is blue" - he keeps repeating it, pausing for effect, and repeats it again. He does this because his "clones" (his listeners) don't know that already. His "clones", IF they are lucky enough to get through his screeners get on air to tell him how great he is - or they get their emails of praise for him read on air. Sometimes Jim reads an email that "he really doesn't want to talk about" but he does to discuss some mindless idea he came up with while in his thinking spot (the station's urinal) and he goes on and on and on about nothing - for his listeners.

We Canadians know you are too good for that Damien - well, you do seem to talk down a bit to your readers by telling them over and over about the problems with the Leafs organization, like we don't know what's wrong with them. Oh, and you have your winged monkeys who like to tell you how right you are when you post a blog - but I'm sure they are just "objective hockey fans" who happen to agree with everything you say. And, ummmm, your mailbag seems to be filled with people who, on a weekly basis, need to be reminded about the problems with the Leafs. But I'm sure it is all a coincidence. I'm sure an approachable guy like you gets hounded by Leaf fans every day, and I'm sure they tell you that they are planning the Stanley Cup route. You know, short term memory problems - I guess you have to keep reminding Leaf Nation that there is no chance for a Cup.

Rome is famous for rambling on about anything for minutes and minutes - telling it the way he sees it, only to end with "I'm not saying that, blah blah blah - I just don't know. I'm just saying that..." Can you believe that? He wastes all this hot air talking about something, only to back away from it at the end so that he can't be pinned down. I guess that's in the Radio 101 handbook.

Hey, don't you do stuff like that too? Sometimes? Like when you talked about how much the Leafs messed up with not hiring Scotty Bowman? Only to say a few days later that you weren't saying that Bowman was the right guy for the job, you were just saying MLSE messed up. Good thing too - especially since it would have looked like you were advocating for a 74 year old GM only to say two days later that a 72 year old "interim" GM would be too old - that it is a young man's game. I think it is absolutely brilliant how you dissect everything that is wrong with Toronto, but never offer your opinion on what should be done. I know you are a columnist and all, and your job is to stimulate discussion - but if you spend that much time analyzing things, shouldn't you have an idea of how to fix it? Or is it that you are don't know enough about what you are talking about to discuss a solution? Just wondering - what makes you hold back your wealth of knowledge from us dummies in Leaf Nation. You aren't worried that you might get called on it when your bulbous melon appears on TSN are you? Certainly you can offer more that "A change in management and personnel is needed" - c'mon champ, take a giant leap and tell all us dummies what you would do to fix it. You have such in depth knowledge of the NHL that it should be easy for you. The Damien Cox for GM faction wants to know.

You know Damien, come to think of it - you really don't say much of anything, other than pointing out the obvious...could it be that you are as bereft of ideas as you claim MLSE is?

Back to Rome, he's an arrogant, obnoxious, idiot who made a name for himself by hounding former Rams QB Jim Everett in an interview to the point where Everett got up and was about to beat Rome into next week.

You're too smart for that Damien - I mean, you're arrogant and obnoxious, but you aren't dumb enough to challenge a professional athlete to a fight; I'm guessing you probably learned better from being on the end of countless beatings in the school yard or play ground while you were growing up huh? Smart move champ.

Damien, I want to be the first to congratulate you for reaching new heights as a print journalist - with just the written word, you talented devil you, YOU have managed to reach the heights previously only known by America's favourite sports radio host Jim Rome. Congratulations Damien, you are now officially the biggest jackass in Canadian sports media. I always knew had it in you.

Damien, meet your brother from another mother.

p.s. Damien, I can't wait to hear you tell Leaf Nation to settle down and stop planning the parade route after yesterday's win over the Hurricanes.

For Damien Cox, Toronto Maple Leafs D Anton Stralman had an assist and was named the game's first star in a 5-4 win over Carolina.

Washington Capitals LW Alexander Semin had two goals and an assist in a 4-2 win over the Ottawa SenaTards. You know the drill when anyone sticks it to the Tards.

Colorado Avalanche G Jose Theodore stopped all 32 shots in a 3-0 win over the Lightning last night - pretty heady stuff when you post a shutout against Lecavalier and company in their building.

I said there would be a twist - normally, the three play suggestions are for entertainment purposes only, they are just that "suggestions". Well, for the next five days, the suggestions are "the picks" - my man Tilt is off to Vegas today and I gave him a few bucks to lay down, on my behalf, at the sports book. So for the rest of this week - I'll be right there with those of you who follow the three play. Tonight's picks

New Jersey over NY Islanders - Devils have been lights out at home lately; expect it to continue against the Isles who lost last night. Lay $100 on the Devils - $210.

New York over Buffalo - the Sabres at pretty much icing their farm team with the injuries they have, expect the Rangers to get it done at MSG tonight. Lay $100 on the Rangers - $130.

That's it for today gang - thanks for taking the time to check in.

Hazel, here's hoping things are groovy in your world.

I'm Out!


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