Easiest Place To Get Laid Like A Rockstar
Happy Fucking New Year Gang!NEW YEAR - NEW LOOK!
This year in 2007 I've decided to have fun on the blog and to do that I've put my good friend Chips talents to work liven up the blog a little-okay a lot!
Yep everyone's got a clean slate coming into January 1st - that is unless because of your drunkenness from the New Year's eve party you:
A - puked on your lover when you woke-up New Year's day
B - pissed bed while you 2 were sleeping in it
C - ended up naked with the tranvestite you closed the bar on a lonely New Year's Eve with; (that gooey substance leaking out of your ass is not ranch dip)
D - woke up hungover and naked in your trophy fiancee's sister's bed trying to explain to your fiancee why you have her bra and garter on on and your dick inside her...
RED SOX CLOSER SITUATION
Red Sox Nation eagerly awaits the name of The Closer. If you're looking for something from the FA bin all you have left is:
- Former Red/White Sox DUSTIN HERMANSON
- Marlins: MATT HERGES or
- Milwaukees DAN KOLB
His in house candidates include: Mike Timlin, Brendan Donnelly, Julian Tavarez, and JC Romero. I think the Red Sox will make a deal and land either Cordero or Gonzalez instead of BP by committee.
RED SOX ADDS
In addition to a closer the Red Sox need to pick up another utility infielder. Perhaps recently signed INF Joe McEwing is that guy (signed to a AAA contract). FA options still available:
Second Basemen Miguel Cairo or Ronnie Belliard
If your looking at adding another outfielder for insurance. FA options still available:
Sammy Sosa, Trot Nixon, Shannon Stewart, Brian Jordan, Jeromy Burnitz, Preston Wilson and Steve Finley
Honestly? I'd kick the tires on Sosa and bring him to Fenway; he would be a decent #5 hitter in Fenway. All of the above looking for work and cheap...
RED SOX TO SIGN SP JOEL PINEIRO
As you read this the Red Sox may have already added former Mariner's SP RHP Joel Piniero. According to ESPN the Sox will sign Piniero to a 1 yr $4 million deal and add Piniero to the bullpen.
This move is interesting because...the Sox recently signed SP Runelvys Hernandez to a AAA deal with spring training invite.
SP's in camp: Schilling, Matsuzaka, Beckett, Wakefield, Papelbon, Lester, Clement, Hernandez, Pineiro.
ASTROS SIGN 2B MARK LORETTA TO 1 YEAR DEAL
This is actually good news Red Sox fans. He's not going to the Yankees, who wanted him. Loretta would've been a huge offensive and defensive addition. Thanks Mark for going back to the NL...
YANKEES TO SIGN 1B DOUG MIENTKIEWICZ
Both Johnny Damon and lefty reliever Mike Myers who were Doug Mientkiewicz teammate on the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox lobbied for Minky to come to the Bronx. Great news because Minky can't hit for shit.
So pencil in Doug Mientkiewicz as the new Yankee starting 1B. Giambi will DH.
YANKEES TO DEAL BIG UNIT BACK TO DBACKS
The Arizona Diamondbacks have come to terms with a contract extension with Yankee SP
Randy Johnson. This means an agreed upon deal with the DBacks shold be finalized over the weekend. The Yankees will likely try to court FA Roger Clemens to replace Johnson.
GAMMONS
Former Red Sox ss Alex Gonzalez was backup material.
Renowned baseball expert and writer Peter Gammons said on a radio talk show that 2006 Red Sox SS Alex Gonzalez now with the Reds was average and a terrible hitter. He said the Red Sox were smart to upgrade with Julio Lugo a good fielder and much better hiiter...
SPEARS PASSES OUT DRUNK AT NEW YEARS EVE BASH
She was not tired. She was shitfaced. She passed out. She's on a frigging bender. You know she's headed for a dryout session at a rehab.
Big Question: Who's watching her 2 kids? I mean going out 6 nights a week and coming home without underwear, shitfaced and sick from alcohol abuse USUALLY is grounds for unfit parenting ya think???
SHITHEAD OF THE WEEK: JOE SIMPSON
Jessica and Ashlee Simpsons manager father Joe Simpson yelled at his daughter Jessica for not working at Pure Nightclubs New Year's Eve bash and opting instead to hang out with boyfriend singer John Mayer (is that bastard ugly! He makes faces when he sings that look like he's mentally challenged).
HEY MR SIMPSON??? Give your daughter a night off. Remember Joe YOU work FOR her.
Your boss wanted the night off. Plus she screwed up a simple song like Dolly Partons 9-5! First Ashlee lip syncing and Jess forgetting lyrics...Alzheimers starting early in the Simpson family. Ever see this guy hovering around his daughters at awards shows and media events? CREEPY and SKEEVY are my impressions.
TONY ROMO DATING CARRIE UNDERWOOD
When the Cowboy QB supposedly dated Jessica Simpson he was a stud. Romo dumped Simpson and started dating American Idol winner Carrie Underwood and has done shitty... The Cowboys need Jessica. Perhaps she'll be a Cowboys center.
PATS VS JETS
I'd laugh my tits off if former Pats QB Vinnie Testaverde comes in to beat his former Jets team...
PISSES ME OFF WHEN
A head coach is publicly being offered a BIG money deal to switch teams and that coach denies he's taking the job then 15 hours later he signs the frigging deal!
BC head coach Tom O'Brien to NC State, and Miami Dolphins' Nick Saban to Alabama. WE ALL KNOW YOUR TAKING THE BIG CONTRACT YOU MORONS!!!!
Then there's Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weiss rumored to leave ND to head coach the NY Giants. HAHAHA HA! Weiss signs a BIIIIG $$$ 10 year deal to coach at his alma mater where he's a football icon now and he's going to give that up to coach the miserable NY Giants? ah no...
KFED and WWE WRESTLING
Is that a great marriage or what? KFED should pay WWE for relaunching his career. I lost
a lot of respect for WWE when they included that piece of southern shit on their program. I won't watch again til he's gone.
DR.HENRY KISSINGER
I listened to for US Secretary of State Dr. Henry Kissinger give a eulogy at the late President Gerald Ford's funeral service and have had nightmares ever since. That guys got one creepy voice eeewww.
LATE PRESIDENT GERALD FORD'S FUNERAL
It was tough when the 38th US President Gerald Ford passed away. He was not a bad President.
I felt terrible for poor his widow Mrs. Betty Ford. She had to endure over a week's worth of public ceremonies and traveling before laying her husband to rest. She blew me away with her strength during that hard time.
While the President's funeral was impressive with all the military pagentry and tributes - it was way too long huh? I thought he was going to do a 50 state tour before burial.
JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SPLITS WITH CAMERON DIAZ
Apparently she got bored with a geeky gay looking white southern hiphopper who loves his haircut the same length as sandpaper.
WANT PAM ANDERSON? HERE'S HOW
So you want to get naked with the hottest chick in hollywood Pam Anderson?
Looking at her past relationships - Scott Baio, Tommy Lee, Skid Rock, Kelly Slater, it looks as if you gotta be 1) rich, 2) famous, 3) white, 4) from the south, 5) wicked skinny, 6) be bad boyish, and 7) have longhair.
BOSTON BRUINS NEED A TRADE
I agree with the Herald's Stephen Harris that Bruins GM Peter Chiarrelli needs to make a deal for a veteran goaltender and a scorer to give this team a boost.
Sure the club's only $2 million under the salary cap but they can deal some salary out.
EMPTY SEATS AT B'S GAMES
I think a lot of Bruins fans expected to see Bruins high pricd D Zdeno Chara kick some ass like he used to with the Ottawa Senators. Z hasn't had one fight yet for the Bruins but he's got a lot of roughing calls. If I'm the 6'9" Bruins version of Lurch here's what I'd do...seriously.
Next home game - the opponent scores 1-2 goals before the Bruins? If I'm Zdeno Chara, I skate out to the ice for my shift. I just insult the first opponent I see and start fighting. Vent my frustrations...
STRIPPER 101.
STRIP CLUBS BEST NIGHTS TO GO
The best time for you the customer to go are Amateur Nights - Feature Nights- Male Dancer Night.
AMATEUR NIGHTS
1 - because you can see all the other new talent from other clubs performing.(great if you only go to 1- 2 other clubs). A lot of times also you'll run into a dancer who you used to see perform years ago so you can catch up - we dancers do! We catch up on club gossip.
2 - You can spend more time with your favorite house girl as we're just hanging out bored while the amateurs hit the stage and get all the attention.
3 - "sometimes" you'll find the skanky amateur who does a lot more than dance.
4 - you'll see some dancers who truly never stripped before and who knows? You hit on them just right and you just might be her new boyfriend...
FEATURE NIGHT
The good thing about feature night and it depends on the clubs budget is you sometimes meet those XXX stars, magazine models or internet site queens. They do 3 shows and have lots of shit to buy for souvenirs.
MALE DANCER NIGHT
A few of my guy regulars clued me in on this foolproof move to get laid.
Sure you're a guy who doesn't want to see dudes with model faces - sculpted tanned bodies and big penises. BUT there are horny single girls who do, and when they come out of those shows they are HORNY!!! They're looking for a guy with an incredible tongue and a firehose to put out their fire. Here's what you do to score big...
Most male reviews don't allow guys in unless they come with a girl. You are solo - you're straight and horny. You find out what time the male review ends and hangout in the parking lot. Look sharp and clean. If there is a security guy in the lot, just tell him you're there to pick up your sister or girlfriend or niece. When girls come out feeling horny try not too look like the raging hornball you are. Look like the concerned chauffer of your sister - girlfriend or niece. You start a conversation with the girls coming out. If you get an offer you cant refuse - grab your cellphone as if someone called (you have a voicemail message). It is your wife, girlfriend, sister, niece and they just called to tell you they left early with a friend. Now you can score with the hot horny female.
If no play? Then you can always hang out a local bar. Chances are a couple of those male review girls are hanging out for drinks.
MAIL BAG: renee_unplugged at yahoo.com
Just remember you can send me any question or comment about anything and I'll respond on a future blog post. ANYTHING sports, sex, work, life, relationships, or comments about my entries G through X rated anything goes...
BILLY from Marlboro:
Q: Renee what are "Jack and Jill Nights"?
A: Billy Jack and Jill nights are when the club features both male and female strippers performing in the club or on the stage. This is done to attract couples who ordinarily wouldn't go to a stripclub by themselves or won't let the other half go unless there's something for them too.
The audience will feature guy customers who're closet bisexuals and like to see naked guys swing their cocks. The guy customer gives the impression he's straight checking out the girls but don't buy it - he's checking out the guys elephant dicks.
How J & J Nights works is 2 ways...
1 - Both a guy and a girl dancer are on stage at the same time.
2 - Guys and girls take turns getting naked on stage.
Sometimes we girl dancers check out the hot guys and sneak backstage with the hot heterosexual or bi guys. There are a lot more male dancers who are gay.
Billy its a fun time and a great way to spice up your relationship if you bring your S.O. If your straight and solo you win big!. Just think of the horny women in the crowd who are out with their girlfriends or away from their boyfriends and husbands for the night. They've gotta
get relief somehow and looking for a cock to suck and fuck to put out the fire.
MAURICE from the Cape:
Q: Who do you think is the better team right now - the Yankees or Red Sox? They seem even to me.
A: Maurice I think the Red Sox are better than the Yanks right now and I'll tell you why....
I think Red Sox GM Theo Epstein improved the Sox offense by adding Lugo and eventually Drew. There are a lot of decent hitting OFs available in case JD goes DL. The Sox infield hitting weakness is 2B; while the Yankees have 2 - Robinson Cano and 1B Mientkiewicz.
The Red Sox have the far superior starting rotation. Closer? Yanks Mariano Rivera isn't as dominating as he used to be. The Sox have a varity of closers available in the bullpen.
HOWEVER both teams are not done shopping.
That'll do it til next time so til then Grin and Bare it!
Renee
posted by Renee @ 10:15 PM
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