The World According To Renee - 2007

Okay everyone its time to gaze into those crystal balls and see what we're in for in 2007.....

JANUARY
Popular hub nite club the RACK closes its doors leaving the Heralds INSIDE TRACK with nothing to write about for weeks. The Rack holds an auction and 95% of their barstaff bimbos are sold to the thousands of athletes they slept with during the clubs tenure.

DONALD TRUMP and ROSIE ODONNELL announce they have agreed to a cage match on a WWE pay per view with HOWARD STERN in the Donald's corner and the Burger King in Rosies corner...

Rehabbing Miss USA TARA O'CONNER will emerge from rehab and celebrate her coming home party at SCORE'S strip club...

THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS will lose in the second round of the playoffs as QB TOM BRADY throws an interception with his throwing arm still attatched to the ball...

BRITNEY SPEARS will come out of a chic Hollywood bar shitfaced-naked and breast feeding her newborn baby...

SEAN PRESTON drives his intoxicated mama Britney home ignored by the paparrazzi who're used to this happening most every night...

LINDSEY LOHAN reveals how after attending AA she's become a more educated young drinker...

Outgoing Mass Governor MITT ROMNEY smuggles out all the furniture out of incoming Gov. DEVAL PATRICKS office while Patrick is being sworn in. Apparently Romney also signed into law before leaving that he can take 12 more trips abroad on Mass taxpayers as a going away present to him.

Outgoing LT Governor KERRY HEALEY gets a new job as a political lame duck counselor for PRESIDENT BUSH...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: getting plaster molds done of their genitalia and mounting them on their living room wall...


FEBRUARY
Ex-Miss Nevada KATIE REES signs a 2 year deal to work in porn legend JENNA JAMESON'S
XXX stable. Rees is now a millionare doing what she wanted to do at 17 for free.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS win the SUPER BOWL...

THE BOSTON RED SOX arrive in spring training at Fort Myers FLA. Sox slugger MANNY RAMIREZ is out for 3 months carrying both is huge ego and huge paycheck into the clubhouse.
The Sox use the hundreds of new Japanese media as ball shaggers....mathematically eliminated from the playoffs since Dec. 06

THE BRUINS - CELTICS and NE REVOLUTION do us all a favor and quit playing. This move means Boston Garden employees can collect unemployment which means more money than what they would've made if both teams were playing...

Valentine's CUPID is arrested for assaulting people by being nude in public with 2 deadly weapons-a bow/arrow and HIV.....

THE GROUNDHOG PUNXATAWNEY PHIL doesn't see his own shadow because fatty ARETHA FRANKLIN is a special ABC correspendant...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: boob jobs and cock jobs so big via plastic surgery they need
a valet to hold the overly enhanced appendages.


MARCH
Space alien ANGELINA JOLIE adopts her 200th child from a 3rd world country...

RED SOX sign ROGER CLEMENS after bidding $180 million for a round of golf with Clemens at a charity auction. A Red Sox spokesman says the bid was cheap considering the amount they paid for phone sex on 900 numbers in Japan...

In a ST.PATRICKS DAY promotion to keep fans at the game the BOSTON CELTICS DANCERS rip off their ugly costumes during the 2nd quarter intermission and get naked. However the stunt backfires as fans make a mass exodus for the exits killing 300 fans who are trampled. The only ones still in their seats are the blind and plastic surgeons offering liposuction-boob jobs-stretch mark removal and nose jobs...

BRITNEY SPEARS wears underwear and a new trend in panties jumpstarts sales...

MARCH MADNESS finds a bunch of office pools getting busted by authorities who lost their SuperBowl bets...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: straight celebrities posing nearly nude or nude for gay publications ...


APRIL
Her obligation to Miss USA officially over TARA CONNER- former Miss Nevada KATIE REES
hit the stripclub circuit together doing lesbian shows at soldout arena's. The shows culminate with both ladies so fucked up on booze wearing masks of their former boss...

RED SOX ace DAISUKE MATSUZAKA makes his hometown Fenway debut and swearing in Japanese becomes the new rage in Boston...

JD DREW trips over the foul line enroute to his introduction causing his surgically repaired body
parts to fly all over the park resulting in a 45 minute delay...

THE BOSTON BRUINS end the regular season with only 3 hockey fights all year and that includes the bitch slap altercation with Toronto...

THE OSCARS in an effort to increase ratings add in the XXX MOVIE STARS and proves its true JENNA JAMESON can act better than HILARY SKANK I mean SWANK...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND:photographing yourself performing a sexual act naked with your Oscar-Emmy-Grammy-Tony-Lions Club award.

MAY
Its mothers day and ANGELINA JOLIE adds 4,000 more 3rd world kids. Its the only private
Mothers day party to be held in the Rose Bowl...

BRITNEY SPEARS children file for damages saying their mother's antics have killed their ability to be seen in public and endanger them...

WWE OWNER VINCE MCMAHON will create a new racecar league to compete with NASCAR. McMahon features rush hour drivers racing through dangerous intersections. The reality concept is a huge monster HIT. Out of work Nascar drivers are forced to drive cabs...

NBA playoffs begin and to no one's surprise nobody gives a fuck.

The RED SOX lead the AL EAST by 30 games over the YANKEES. A confident GEORGE STEINBRENNER banks on MANNY RAMIREZ being Manny and sitting out June, July
and August with hair issues...

The soldout KATIE REES and TARA CONNOR lesbo tour expands to 3 as the outgoing Miss Teen USA and former Conner lover turns 18 and is persuaded to join the show. The 3 stars of the show cannot spell: Menage A Trois hurting t-shirt sales....

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: owning a zoo animal with a big penis...

JUNE
Up 40 games ahead of the Yankees- Red Sox slugger MANNY RAMIREZ cramps his brain
deciding between braids, dreadlocks, shaved or the 'fro look. Ramirez is put on the 60 day disabled list.

Desperate for a slugger SAMMY SOSA is hired while the Red Sox try to unthaw Ted Williams back to life. It works but there's a problem - that "unthaw" his son JOHN HENRY WILLIAMS by accident.

YANKEES gain 10 games...

June brides will include OPRAH WINFREY-PAMELA ANDERSON-LANCE BASS-CLAY AIKEN-FARRAH FAWCETT-JENNY McCARTHY and NEIL PATRICK HARRIS...

FATHERS DAY new fathers will include: URKEL-KFED-PEEWEE HERMAN-NUMEROUS NBA STARS...

New NBA champs: DENVER NUGGETS...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND:dying their pubic hair in wild colors and showing it off to paparazzi...

JULY
4th of July sees rocker PETE DOHERTY higher than a sky rocket. No he is attatched to the sky rocket...

ROCKET ROGER CLEMENS makes his Red Sox debut...

Illusionist DAVID BLAINE will attempt the dangerous stunt of sitting through ROSIE ODONNELLS career highlights...

STRONGEST MAN in the WORLD crumbles to the ground in agony unable to continue after lifting Rosies morning feed bag...

A male streaker gyrates in front of female tennis ace MARIA SHARPOVA in Wimbledon Maria
grips his shaft and whacks the streakers balls...

THE RED SOX make a block buster trade at the deadline sending MANNY RAMIREZ for a bullpen cart...

THE PAGENT MENAGE A TROIS heads to Europe and N KOREA...

NEW TREND: PUBLIC FARTING.some underground social groups including hot sexy celebs get together and fart openly. Special underwear makes the fart smell like roses.


AUGUST
A midwestern farming couple stumbles upon a private hidden farm where according to video tape show presumed deceased celebrities alive and partying hard-the place is called Woodstock...

The NHL Stanley Cup is awarded to the SAN JOSE SHARKS....

BRITNEY SPEARS gets engaged to Girls Gone Wild president JOE FRANCIS who in previous months has released videos on infomercials of Spears backstage on tour...

THE RED SOX are now just 5 games ahead of the Yankees blowing a 40 game lead...Red Sox host a Roger Clemens day vs the Yankees at Fenway. Roger accepts $10 million in gifts-stands at the podium then makes a tearful retirement speech effective immediately. Agent Randy Hendricks whispers in Clemens ear. Roger signs his autograph then promptly announces he's signed with the Yankees.

On Roger Clemens Day Roger no its the Red Sox as his gifts are shipped to his Texas home.

NUDE PHOTOS on the Internet of ROSEANNE BARR surface prompting Rosie ODonnell to openly masturbate on her new Douche Bag channel TV show Ring Around the Rosey...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: fucking on a bed of nails...its so spiritual/ Thousands of starlets flock to get thier boob jobs replaced after popping them on the nails.


SEPTEMBER
Its Labor Day and ANGELINA JOLIE adopts every kid under 5 in Europe. She gets a court order to get the kids MICHAEL JACkSON has stashed in his home... JOLIE's hubby BRAD PITT makes his 20th movie of 2007 in an effort to support the million kids they've adopted...

NICOLE RICHIE turns rehab into a reality show...

NHL season gets underway with the BOSTON Bruins, thanks to stem cell research, adding BOBBY ORR-CAM NEELY-PHIL ESPOSITO-GERRY CHEEVERS-BRAD PARK-RAY BOURQUE etc...

MTVs REAL WORLD cast is housed in a jail cell. In order to leave the cell they have to be good. No one gets out...

MLB Pennant Race show the Red Sox tied with the Yankees for 1st place.

SURVIVOR: FEDERAL PRISON airs. Survivors must survive being locked in a federal prison with fat naked and gay companion starved RICHARD HATCH..

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: openly masturbating on the set of their projects...

OCTOBER
The Red Sox win the AL East in a playoff over the Yankees. Former Yankee rookie MIKE LOWELL rips a line drive off DEREK JETER'S balls for the game winning hit.

ROLLING STONES go on tour once again this time with original bassist BILL WYMAN...

For Halloween, friends of victims of child molesters don costumes and visit the bastards homes who did the atrocity and kill them with barbed razor wire dildos up the animals' assholes. It turns out to be a new tradition world wide.

NE REVOLUTION win the MLS CUP. Okay they stole it this time wielding guns.

NE PATRIOTS QB TOM BRADY is old and human after all-Brady will go on the DL with a chronic bad back from carrying the Patriots the past 5 years.

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: bare breasts painted like jackolanterns

NOVEMBER
Former Miss USA TARA CONNER announces she's pregnant and Rosie ODonnell claims she's the father...

RED SOX WIN THE 2007 WORLD SERIES. DAISUKE MATSUZAKA starts 3 straight games for Boston for MVP honors...

HOT CELEBRITY TREND: going to bingo at church...

DNA proves that Rosie is not the father of Conner's baby that honor goes to a 65 year old drunken NYC bum who thought he saw a warm pillow in the alley and cuddled with it to keep warm...

THANKSGIVING DAY RAMPAGE at Plymouth Rock 20 people die beaten to death by rubber chickens wielded by deranged turkeys...


DECEMBER
ANGELINA JOLIE is given the country of Africa as a gift for taking in all those kids...

LINDSAY LOHAN begins her comeback in films. LL capitilizes on the stag film market by hosting outrageous stag films in exchange for free booze and 100 paid too hung over to work days...

RED SOX spend big money in 2007 signing stud FA's for all 9 positions-2 lights out closers and 3 #1 aces ...

HOT NEW CELEBRITY TREND: hiring down and out former child stars as nude waiters and servants for holiday parties

Happy New Year GANG!

XO
Renee